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We’ve all seen the footage. Carly Rae Jepsen—pop’s most industrious Canadian export—cruising around in an ice cream truck, handing out soft serve and "Dedicated" vibes. On the surface, it’s a delightful PR stunt. But if you’ve spent as much time reading into subtext as we have (and we have the eye-strain to prove it), you’ll realize that truck isn’t just selling dairy. It’s a harbinger of something much weirder. 1. The "Call Me Maybe" Logic is Statistically Terrifying Think about the lyrics. "I just met you, and this is crazy."

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